January 10, 2006

Jennifer or Jolie?

When first seeing the above, left photo, I became unnerved when realizing it wasn’t a picture of Jennifer Aniston, but of Angelina Jolie! And one of the finer points of Lloyd Grove’s reasons for banishing Brad Pitt from his Lowdown gossip column came into sharp detail: “Brad adopts the lifestyle, interests and passions of whatever woman he happens to be bedding. A slightly creepy collection of photographs from the archives of Star magazine shows Pitt aping his various girlfriends' dress and appearance.”

Certainly the disturbing apex of that behavior was when he and Gwyneth Paltrow styled themselves into mirror images. But considering recent evidence, I realize Brad has evolved from the “dog owners who morph into their pets” stage into molding his gals into a fetish.

I remember becoming disturbed sometime in 1999 when Jennifer Aniston started resembling Gwyneth after dating Brad less than a year. Jen lost a noticeable amount of weight (she claimed pilates), and her hair became longer, straighter and blonder. At that time, I could imagine Brad poking at Jen’s insecurities, making her think she was a cow, her taking the bait. From Juliette Lewis to Gwyn, he likes his ladies lean, and Jen liked to please.

But it’s hard to imagine Angelina Jolie ever acquiescing to any man’s makeover tips. And considering how Brad discarded his married life to adopt all details of Jolie’s newest life, it seemed he was ready to roll over for the belly rub. But I couldn’t help but notice that…

…after dating Brad less than a year, she’s lost a noticeable amount of weight, sports the black flip-flops and flowing skirts Jen has always favored, and her dark, wavy hair is now much lighter and straight. In fact, during these last two weeks of paparazzi shots, I have difficulty deciphering: Is that Jennifer or Jolie?

Man, that’s so creepy, and makes Jen’s “missing sensitivity chip” quip a lesson in restraint. Mr. Pitt deserves much more grief than he gets about being such a callow egoist, but he still manages to snag bigger and better lumps of clay to mold. Some may see this Archie dumping Betty for Veronica as Brad trading up. But I see it as Jolie got Brad’s baby while Jen got free of Brad. Well played, Team Aniston.