April 23, 2006

Tom Petty Aging Crises

Tom Petty's vanity issues have always intrigued me more than his music has. He's never been what you would call good looking, but he has usually looked like a rock star, and that's the most important part.

He began his careering aping the Dwight Twilley look (above). That's an awesome aspiration, but far greater looking men have tried and failed to scale those heights. Still, Petty's hair was always very important to him and his image. In the early days, a reporter revealed that several times an hour Tom whipped a comb out of his back pocket.

So, as Mr. Petty's hair began to go, he played out the panic in various public ways. He does look good in hats; he should stick with that.

Over these many decades, as his hair reduced his looks grew scraggily and scarier (above). But that's cool because he's a good 'ole trailer gator Florida boy, and aging into haggard gravitas like his idol Dylan is a worthy aspiration.

But sometime last year, his mental odometer flipped over to mid-life crises, and his vanity issues go well beyond the hair. Something tells me the younger bride pictured in many of his public appearance photos has something to do with it... Think Heather re-working Paul McCartney's look, and hear that train of thought whistle past.

So, last season he trotted out as many new looks as Ashlee Simpson...

This season, he trots out a whole new face!!
Ew.
Yes, he's done something to the hair, too. Understandable, and it looks OK.
But Tom Petty with Botox and cheek implants?!
You're Tom Frickin' Petty, not Kenny Rogers! What's with the face warp?

The thought of Tom Petty Plastic is too hilarious and too absurd to contemplate.
He reads like a sub par mash-up of Nick Gilder & Iggy Pop...
Perfuming the pig...
Gilding the septic tank...
Somewhere, somehow some plastic surgeon must have kicked you around some.