February 10, 2007

Anna Nicole Smith Is Not Marilyn Monroe, She's Jayne Mansfield

Other than my next door neighbor just securing a ticket for the Anna Nicole Baby Daddy Sweepstakes, I have nothing new to add to the Dead Anna media saturation.
But I do have a complaint:
The Marilyn Monroe comparisons are just plain wrong, and lazy.

Trying to make a shallow connection between Anna & Marilyn is insulting because it disses Jayne Mansfield. It was the masterminds at Guess evoking Jayne Mansfield that first brought Anna to our attention.
Here's a page of Jayne to explain
why the Anna Guess ads were so compelling.

A few years later, we all began to learn that she was a walking hillbilly disaster who's main gift was following art direction orders well. She went from strength to strength when she earned her John Waters Merit Badge in September 1996 for exploding implants.

By the 21st century, she was the benchmark for quality reality TV.
During our weekend of national mourning, I keep wondering about Anna's former assistant Kim (above), the person who loved Anna the most. I wonder if Kim's friends are laying flowers around her tattoo, in memorial.

Jayne Mansfield got her start as the exaggerated Marilyn Monroe clone, so Anna being made the clone homage was a brilliant move. Trying to draw parallels between Anna & Marilyn is just retarded when the life parallels between Jayne and Anna are so eerily exact. For starters...

Jayne died on June 29, 1967
Anna was born November 28, 1967
Making Jayne's Reincarnation as Anna a genuine metaphysical possibility.
They both died in their 30's, and the agony they felt in their final days was reflected in their hair.
Those are enough "embodiment" highlights to get the dedicated conspirators on the trail, which then might make up for the heinous oversight of Jayne, via Anna.

Anna lived a tragic life, allowing herself to be scuttled and muddled about, and death does not solve that aspect of it, the poor dear. This is probably where the Marilyn comparison comes from, because other than the eyebrows and a brief hairstyle or 2, it's the only thing Marilyn & Anna have in common.

We had Jayne Mansfield Reincarnate, and most were too distracted to fully appreciate the gift, and now they're disrespecting Jayne yet again. Because when Jayne and her Chihuahua died (while Mariska and her siblings survived) in a gruesome car wreck, most every obit got the "poor man's Marilyn Monroe" in by the first paragraph. Even in death, Jayne is forever second-billed.

So it would complete the karmic wheel spin if Anna was forever second-billed to Jayne. But karma's wicked fey, Marilyn is the unwitting scene-stealer for a cliché-ridden media, and not a single gal in this Peroxide Trinity gets to rest in peace.