April 21, 2005

Gen X Regrets


Please, for the love of Cher, puh-lease don’t make a sequel to Pretty in Pink. There’s no clamor for it, James Spader no longer has that hair, and to reunite Molly Ringwald and Andrew McCarthy is to wake a sleeping junk yard dog.


Brooke Shields, please stop pimping your child. If you have any lingering Mother Issues, remember that she began pimping you at 11 months. Admit that you’re repeating moves from her Godzilla Stage Mother playbook. Realize that only you can break the chain.


Central Casting finally brought John Cusack and Diane Lane together for a movie. The other obvious generational pairing would be John Cusack and Matt Dillon. Since Lane & Dillon have already teamed twice, go for the trifecta with Lane, Dillon & Cusack in a remake of Tequila Sunrise. If that sounds cheesy, it’s a hell of a lot better than what Dillon's up to at this moment.

In regards to all the New Wave nostalgia, compilations and advertising, it must be said that many of us in the Midwest risked our lives and sullied our reputations for liking the B-52s in 1979. Puberty was hard enough, and hiding a Blondie obsession behind a false Black Sabbath front just added to the pressure. Outside of Missouri, did large groups of 13 year olds really smoke Kools and play Spin The Bottle with Lene Lovich on the stereo? Did Martha & the Muffins “Echo Beach” really get the party started? I can’t shake the feeling that it’s all Wishful Remembering, and that a handful of well-paid 38 year old ad agency execs are getting the last laugh on the Lynyrd Skynyrd fans who melted their Devo vinyl.

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