July 19, 2005

Angelina Dearest


The moment after Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman adopted their two children, the Crawford Prop Kids cracks began. But considering that modern-day Cruise is fully willing to splay himself open for publicity, it’s quite the testament to Cruise and Kidman as parents that those children have never been used for PR’s sake, much less photographed for public consumption.

Turns out that Angelina Jolie is the heir apparent to Joan Crawford’s maternal instincts, with Maddox as Christina Crawford, and the newly acquired Zahara as Christopher Crawford. What brings me to this cynical conclusion is the timing of the formerly bat-shit crazy Jolie turning Uber Mommy just as her Hollywood ship was heading for the Titanic.


In a January 1940 issue of Modern Screen magazine, an article titled “The New Joan Crawford” covers the trials of Miss Crawford trying to shake off being labeled “Box Office Poison.” Writer Ida Zeitlin notes:
“With her eyes on the stars, she forged ahead with but a single goal in view, dropping with regret, but with finality, whatever has threatened to keep her from her goal. She is married to the movies, her philosophy is the movies.”

What Joan got rid of was her 2nd husband, Franchot Tone, and when she “voluntarily stepped from the ranks of the Glamour Girls to try to recoup her former cinematic standing,” that meant changing her image from a man-eating Crystal Allen to an Oscar-winning Mildred Pierce, and that meant instantly becoming a single mother of 2, then a (thrice) married mother of 3, then once again a single mother of 4 (between 1940 and 1947, she adopted 6 children, but only got to keep 4 of them... her own - ahem - Rainbow Coalition, as it were).

The potential for Angelina Jolie’s Mommie Dearest began when she gave up the title of Hollywood’s #1 Nut by becaming an adoptive mother, and with a quick divorce from her 2nd husband, a single mother.
For about a year, she stayed low on the public's radar until she and Brad Pitt humped their way into breaking Jennifer Aniston’s heart and potentially collapsing a huge-budget major motion picture. Before the press could get a good whiff of the damage, "Adoring Mother Jolie" was constantly photographed carrying the adorable Maddox on her hip. Then the press finally got a large bump of Brangelina, and Angelina and Maddox made cute and cuddly for the magazines, the studio and Aniston's lawyers.

Then, The Unconfirmed Brad & Angie have confirmed animal sex once Mr. & Mrs. Smith does not bomb - whew. Aniston then vanquishes her public depression by confessing she wants babies – has always wanted babies. While her divorce lawyers prepare to roast The Heartless Self-Centered Philandering Heel, Brad accompanies his Unconfirmed Girlfriend to the adoption of her second child, then lands in the hospital with the vapors while Angelina effortlessly transitions her image from Sexiest Woman Ever to Mother of the Year in about 4 PR steps. Is she making this huge effort for the love of Brad Pitt, or for the love of her career?

Here’s hoping that Zahara takes as well to the camera as Maddox has, for in Brangelina’s very near future is this:

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is such a negative, bullshit post, and irresponsible.

Jolie got interested in humanitarian work after filming Tomb Raider in Cambodia- where she was exposed to 3rd world living conditions and started her other career as a good will ambassador for the UN's high comission on refugees.

She has donated MILLIONS of dollars to help refugees in 3rd world nations. Not only that, she has donated an amazing amount of time and energy flying all over the world and getting down in the dirt with the impoverished, sick, and needy.

This was going on for years before all the "Brangelina" media fixation, and something she obviously does because she cares. She practiced what she preached and took it up a notch by adopting Maddox.

Just because the paparatzi and stupid gossip bloggers like you become interested in celebrities at a certain point in time doesn't mean they don't exist outside of the hot seat- the photos just started getting published more.

She should be commended for adopting that AIDS orphan - she is setting a fantastic example for people everywhere, and frankly, I am inspired by her bravery.

You should be ashamed of yourself for writing what amounts to unsubstantiated accusations, character assasination, and just plain thoughtless crass creepiness. What have you done to help anyone who has ever suffered?

You are a parasite, and you'll probably never be 1/10th as brave, compassionate, or proactive as people like Angelina are.

KRYSALISSTAR* said...

WELL I WAS AIMING TO SAY TO THAT AFFECT AS WELL BECAUSE I FOUND INACCURACIES IN YOUR POST AS WELL, BUT I GUESS THERE IS NO NEED TO SAY ANYMORE.
ANONYMOUS JUST READ YOU FOR POINTS SUGGAH!!!! WOW!!!

Kellykat said...

well, KRYSALISSTAR* and anonymous are right but so is the original post. angelina is taking her kid out to appearences and turning them into cash by posing in magazines w/ maddox.
it could be a preventative measure to cure the public's curiosity. then the paparazzi won't stalk them to get pics. but still, she's earning money from it.
dunno, maybe that money goes back into charities?

Anonymous said...

For the love of Christ... Please get out of Angelina's ass just because she is a "humanitarian." I would be one too if I had unlimited funds and no where else to be that day. I'm so tired of this hollywood worshiping when they decide to not totally piss away their lives shopping and actually do something that means a damn. How about talking about people who have nothing and still find a way to give their time and money to charity. Christ... She's a publicity whore. Always has been. Who else talks about having vials of blood around their neck on the red carpet. I mean really people....

Anonymous said...

So someone who has several months off per year and gazillions of dollars in the bank spends a week or two being photographed in the third world and they're a great humanitarian? Sheesh, the bar has never been lower.

Brad Pitt's no prize, but she is a nasty piece of work and a home-wrecking slut.

Anonymous said...

To the last "anonymous"- u r ridiculous. She doesn't spend a week or two in these 3rd world countries- she's over there all the time. She even built a house in Cambodia to be over there more. She makes speeches, keeps travel diaries for the UNHCR websites, and works hands-on with refugees.

And she is a great humanitarain- she's in a career that, by it's nature, gives her a lot of attention (whether that is good or bad) and, luckily for her, money. It appears that she is trying to use that attention and money for good, so good for her. She reminds me of Eunice Kennedy Shriver.

Anna Nicole is an attention whore- Maraih Carey is an attention Whore- Paris Hilton, Jennifer Lopez, Ashlee Simpson... attention whhhhores. So how is Angelina an attention whore just for wearing vials of blood around her neck? That is her biz- and it was several years ago when she was in her early 20s for cryin' out loud. Everyone does kooky stuff.

A.J. has never substantiated claims that she's with Brad Pitt- that is all media speculation and hoopla to sell trashy gossip magazines. And you can hardly guantify Jen & Brad as a "family"- there were no kids there- it was just a marriage that had been on the rocks for over a year. And, it is unfair to speculate about what was going on with it- Jen and Brad both seemed to part mutually and peacefully, and Jen seems happy, so whatev! It's not like she's ever made a good movie or done anything to benefit humanity besides making a layered hair cut popular. Oh yeah, there was that one time she auctioned off nude photos of herself for a couple of thousand dollars for some charity- great- not even her own money- classy Jen.

- The "original anonymous"

GiGi said...

The baby Jolie just adopted has a grandmother who wanted to take care of her. However, being poverty-stricken she gave the child up because she thought it would insure the child having a better life. Jolie should have been generous enough to help this woman instead of whisking her granddaughter away. Find a child that is truly destitute. And yeah, I think she's been willing to exploit her image in order to remain relavent in Hollywood. To deny that is absurd...find a real hero for Christ's sake!

Anonymous said...

We all have our own ideas of what Jen, Brad or Angelina's life might be, based on what we hear or see. But just to make sure I understand this right. Based on what I have heard, Brad and Jen were a couple. Brad falls in love with Angelina. He decides to leave his wife. So this makes it ok for both Brad and Angelina? This is what is wrong in today's society. People think that just because there is a good excuse, they don't have to work at solving problems. They think that it is ok to walk away from commitments. I just hope that all three made every single attempt to do the right thing. From what the media has portrayed, Jen did her part. As far as Brad, if he did his part, and still managed to be portrayed as an uncaring SOB, then I would of hated to see him not do his part. On Angelina, the only thing I can say, is that any woman who belives that a man can leave their wife,and will not turn around and leave them, is an absolut idot.

Anonymous said...

What I can't understand is why Brad would leave Jen for Angelina - who will sleep w/anything. I'd like to say "Hey, Angelina - I have a dead animal in my back yard if you want to come over and sleep with that too!"

Anonymous said...

She went on national TV and stated she would not "have a relationship" with a married man and then was off to africa with him a week later......This is a "Humanitarian" who wants to do the right thing and a "Caring" person...she cares about herself and does not whats best for people but whats best for her. PERIOD.

Anonymous said...

Brad and Angelina are probabely the two lowest people in society right now. Just because they are celebrities does not mean that morals and ethics should be suspended. They should be shunned from the general public. Great example they are setting for my daughter! To think of all the lies they have told, and all the PR spin doctoring using two children to present themselves in a good light. I will never ever ever see another movie with either of them in it. My money will not go to supporting them. And I just cannot wait until Angelina sleeps with her next costar showing Brad what she truly is. They are both nasty people and I would like to see them in public just so I could NOT ask for their loser autographs.

Anonymous said...

I totally agree! Great minds think alike! I've linked you at qwhip - gossip board.

http://qwhip.com/modules.php?name=Forums&file=viewtopic&p=61126#61126

Check out the board too!

Yes, Angelina DEAREST is this generations version of one of the worst mother's of all time.